I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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