I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
