everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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