My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
