He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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