I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
