All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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