96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
