turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
