All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
