GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
