he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
