everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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