also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
