you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
