Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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