operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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