As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
