my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
