I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
