Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
