I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
