The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
