she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
