look no pants
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
