Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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