even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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