is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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