well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
