I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize