just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
