Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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