My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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