I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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