...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
