Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
