Betty ford says i'm here all night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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