i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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