she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
