omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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