If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
