He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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