wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
