I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
