she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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