Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
