I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Small penises have feelings too.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
