I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The air was thick with penises
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
