Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
