i just had sex bonerless
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
