I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
