I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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