he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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