She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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