he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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