why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
