when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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