I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
