remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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