yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
