12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
