Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
