I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
