did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
