he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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